As the first of many weekly posts, I thought that I would start off with one of my favourite tunes. Who better to start with than my favourite singer of all time Christina Aguilera!?
Yes, as much as I am fitting the stereotypical-gay-man profile, I have to say that she is my #1! As cliché as it sounds, I owe a lot of my recovery to her music. Sometimes, you find one artist that just strikes a chord with your emotions and nails your feelings right on the head. It seems to me that most of her songs are written in such a way that I can relate to and makes me feel that they were written just for me. When I play her songs, she is only singing to me.
With such a powerful voice, it penetrates my soul and makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up on end. I have been a huge fan ever since she burst onto the scene in 1999 with ‘Genie in a Bottle’.
The song that I am sharing today is called ‘Stronger than Ever’, from her 2010 album ‘Bionic’. This song came out at a perfect time where I could feel myself changing in my relationship. I first heard it on the plane on my way to China with my friends and my ex-boyfriend. I closed my eyes, fell into a trance and thought to myself
“Oh my god, this is me.”
I was right. 5 years later, I still listen to it and remind myself of a time that I was weak and vulnerable. That all changed, just as she did in the song. I love the song that much that I had it tattooed on my inner arm.
My favourite lyrics, which still make me shiver, from this song are:
How I wish you knew, how much I need you
I feel like running but I can’t abandon you
You avoid my gaze, withdraw from me these days
You punish me for trying to be all that you wanted
What more can I do?
I’m tired of walking on eggshells, so terrified to fail
And in order to please you I’ve abandoned myself
And though it used to hurt me when you pushed me away
I’m stronger than ever, you made me this way.
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