Magic carpet or dusty rug?


Once upon a time there lived a semi-beautiful princess whose name was Janice who lived in a faraway kingdom called ‘Bristol’.  Each day and night, Princess Janice would look out of her window and long for her prince charming to come and make himself known. After considering every man that she met as a potential suitor, she gave up on Bristol and decided to run away to live in the bright lights of London, in hopes that she would finally find her one true love.

She went from day to day, telling everyone that she met that she was lonely and wanted to find the love of her life. She went through ever bar, restaurant and nightclub that she could find in the land until she thought that all hope was certainly lost.

One day, Princess Janice was doing her weekly shopping in Asda, when she bumped into someone in the wine section. She was going for the Lambrini, and he was going for ‘SmartPrice Pinot Grigiot’. Their mutual love for cheap alcohol started their relationship. Before long, Princess Janice and Prince Terry had begun to make preparations to tie the knot.

The wedding was the best that she could afford on her £500 a month salary from her job at ‘Pumpkins R Us’. Terry didn’t work as he couldn’t walk properly on his right foot, which happened to be webbed, but nevertheless, Princess Janice desired any prince that she could get her hands on as she felt that her youth and options to meet a suitor were slipping away day-by-day.

A few months after the wedding, Princess Janice came home from a late shift to find Prince Terry in bed with Rita from next door. Rita was a part-time ‘fish loader’ at the docks and lured the sneaky Prince Terry in with her ‘eau de salmon’ and musk. Princess Janice was heartbroken. She couldn’t believe that her prince charming had done this to her.

“If only I’d have waited for the right guy to come along”, she thought.

 Princess Janice spent the rest of her life not being able to trust anymore princes’. She now lives in a high-rise just off the M11. Prince Terry later married then divorced ‘’fish loader Rita’ after catching her in bed with one of the 7 dwarves. (I won’t say which dwarf, but let’s just say that he’s most definitely happy these days!)

No ‘Happily ever after’ in that story.

Now let’s flip the table and turn our attention to Vanessa. Vanessa was in a relationship with Tommy for a long time, but unfortunately for Vanessa, Tommy turned out to be a lying, cheating troll from hell (her words, not mine). She flitted around with the idea of finding someone and turned to Tinder for a way out.

Soon after the third bad date, she decided that she was going to be a bit pickier than she had been previously. So what if she was on her own? She would rather be alone than fetch a man his beers every night and have to roll over and take it, just because she was told that she ‘should’.

No, Vanessa was determined to do something in her life. She put men on hold and at the back of her mind. She concentrated on making a career for herself, which turned out to be designing shower curtains. She spent her time surrounded by blank shower curtains, designing different patterns for each one, making sure that they were all unique.

Whilst building up a reputation for herself in the busy shower-curtain business world, Vanessa started to go out and socialise more. She donned her tightest jeans and highest boots, she slapped her best make-up on and hit the town with her buddies. The gang got into the club and walked over to the bar, which is where she saw him.

There he was. Standing over 6ft tall, big, green eyes, tanned skin and a head full of dark brown hair, Vanessa nearly fell of her stilettos. As the night continued to run smoothly, Vanessa continued to get to know this mysterious chap. His name was Johnny and he was in town on business. He worked for a shoelace factory and was filling in for someone as they had accidentally lynched themselves with a Topshop bootlace. Johnny invited Vanessa back to his hotel room for ‘coffee’.  She declined his offer and took his number instead. This time she was going to do things her way.

It’s been 3 months since Vanessa met Johnny on that fateful night in the club. They go for coffee occasionally and the odd movie, but nothing else has happened, yet. There’s an attraction there and romance is blooming. More importantly, Vanessa’s shower curtain business is going really well. She makes curtains for the crème-de-la-crème of society on a daily basis and has never looked back since.

Vanessa doesn’t know if she’s going to get a happily ever after, but then again, neither do we. You shouldn’t wish your life away before it’s happened. I’m a very big believer that everything happens for a reason. Life throws it’s curveballs at us when we least expect it, but we just need to roll with the punches and accept it. Remember, when you do find yourself at a crossroads in life: Whose life would you prefer? Princess Janice or Successful Vanessa?

Click here for the next instalment.

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