2014: Annus Horribilis

“This year is not a year on which I shall look back with undiluted pleasure. In the words of one of my more sympathetic correspondents, it has turned out to be an ‘Annus Horribilis’.”

– Queen Elizabeth II

There are many words and phrases that I can think of to describe the year in which we have just said goodbye to. Some of them with an air of positivity, but mostly with an air of despair. Sometimes, one bad thing can trigger a chain of events in your life that seem to make it feel as though fate has it in for you and wants to mess with you, just because it can.

On New Year’s Eve, as the clock struck 12, I sat and gathered myself emotionally. I thought about my loved ones, all at parties and counting down the seconds, I thought about those people who had the luxury of spending those last few seconds of the year with their soul mate (if you believe in such things), I thought about my ex-boyfriend, who was probably seeing it in with his new beau, just like we did together, for the last 6 years and I thought about myself and the year that had just ended.

The clock struck 12 and the fireworks around the country started to shimmer in the sky, kisses were shared, resolutions were made and hundreds of people said ‘welcome’ to the New Year with songs and cheer.

I have been asked about my own resolutions for the New Year. What was I planning to give up? Was I going to quit smoking? Did I have any promises to make to myself this year? When it comes to thinking about my resolutions this year, I have decided to continue doing what I have been doing since I touched down in England, almost one year ago: persevere on the task at hand, being myself.

The year that has just ended has been a year that I shall not forget. Never has there been a year that has made me feel pushed and shoved in all directions by life itself, as much as 2014 did. Every single aspect of my life changed. This was not solely down to the breakup, but was started off by it. The breakup smashed down the first wall, allowing the army of change to attack the rest of them, forcing me to see the dark rooms that had been created and making me change the light-bulbs in them, spreading beautiful white light from doorway to window in each one of them.

Change is a good thing, and something that we, as human beings tend to put off as much as we can, because we don’t want to face the trouble and effort of implementing them. When we do finally decide to crack the crust of sorrow and regret, we are faced with something of an opportunity, rather than a choice. That’s what I have done this year. There have been no choices, only opportunities.

There is no point in constantly reminding yourself of the year that has just gone by. Nor is there any point, in my opinion, of promising to better yourself. Instead of promising to do better, why not just do it and not make a big song and dance out of it? Don’t plan it, just do it.

I sat back after Big Ben had finished chiming, with a cup of coffee in one hand and a cigarette in the other. “That’s that then”, I thought.

“Time to kick ass”

Click here for the next instalment.

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