How to put a guy off you in seven easy steps (A requested post)

There are a million and one reasons as to why we shouldn’t be in a relationship. Sometimes, some of us are fortunate enough to have the power of ending it, and then there are other times when we are not so lucky. There’s a lot of tittle-tattle on what makes the perfect partner and what doesn’t. Here are a few pointers to ensure that you spend the rest of your days alone, boiling bunnies and giving all moths of your region a new home…….. (Think about that one and re-read it….get it?):

  • Be really nice. Like, genuinelynice: Compliment him on the way he walks, talks, looks, cooks and smells. You’re being nice to them. Why would they just take it as a compliment, as it’s meant to be? “You’re crazy!”
  • Be there for them 24/7, day and night: Always be available to answer the phone or reply to a text message as soon as they contact you. Answering the phone to him within a respectable amount of time makes him think that you have nothing better to do with your life and that you’re just waitingfor him to contact you. “You’re clingy” 
  • Be understanding: Make sure you listen intently, soaking up all of their troubles and either offer suitable advice or shut up and listen to what they’re saying. Just let them vent and get it out of their system. Be that caring soul who wants to help. “My god, you’re so nosey!”
  • Be prepared to compromise: They love to go hiking. You despise hiking, with a passion. Be prepared to do things that you don’t always want to do, because it’s a relationship. There’s supposed to be some level of compromise. Grin and bear it and it’ll be over before you know it! Taking care to compromise in a relationship is a sure way to show that you’re waytoo over the top and just not the one for them! “Just give me space to breathe!”
  • Let your mental wall down: Yes, letting them in, after you’ve let that wall down that so many guys have helped you build, is a one way ticket to singledom. Who wants to be with someone that’s been let in? Why would someone want to be around someone who greets them into their life with open arms. That’s just so silly, guys! You need to think about what you’re doing! “We just want different things. You’re you and I’m me, you know”
  • Be sure to look at your best, whenever possible: Shower, do your hair, apply make-up and walk as though you’re on the red carpet! Spritz yourself with your favourite Chanel perfume and meet your man outside a restaurant. Looking at your best, flipping your hair gracefully and not spilling your steak dinner down your whiter than white shirt, means that you are pushing your man away. “You’re just too much”
  • Just be you: They have been looking for someone like you since forever! They’ve finally found you and have noticed that you have all of the qualities that they have been looking for. Sense of humour, looks, interests, etc, etc. The more good qualities that you show him, the more likely he is to walk out on you. “It’s not you, it’s me”

I’m hoping that by now, you’ve gotten the point of this post. As much as some people want you to be everything that they have ever wanted, that doesn’t mean that it will work out in the long-run. Some guys are just incapable of being pleased, no matter how hard you try. When this happens, you’ve just got to take it in your stride and let it all disappear into the abyss and mark it down as another lesson learnt. A lot of the time, the problem doesn’t lay with you. It sometimes down to them.

Remember: If it’s not you because it’s him, then it could be him because it’s not you, or did it mean that it really is me? Or really, it could be him, so it’s not him and it is me, oh no wait, it’s not me, it’s him, oh for god sake, fuck off.

Click here for the next instalment.

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