Instant date: Just add pressure.

If I’m honest with you, I tend not to go on dates as much as I used to. In fact, I’m hard pushed to accept dates anymore, probably down to the amount of disastrous ones that I’ve actually had. I’m always reading about people being taken to candlelit dinners, romantic movies and receiving flowers on a date. So why is it that I keep getting guys that want to smoke my tobacco and share half a pint of nasty cider!? I believe that you shouldn’t be pressured into going on a date. By all means, show that you are interested and eager, because really, I want you to be interested in me if we’re considering going on a date, but dating bullying? That’s not cool, man!

Last week, I was in London, celebrating my birthday with my friend. The morning after the night before, whilst lying in her spare bed, trying not to move my head, I dove into the Tinder jungle again. A couple of swipes in and I came across a guy who, for me, caught my eye. He was tall, olive skinned, with an epic beard and wore glasses. That kind of nerdy, bearded look that I really like! Obviously I hit the ‘yes’ button. He had obviously taken a liking to me too, as we instantly matched, and off we went, chatting away.

After chatting for a while about this and that, he asked me out on a date. I convinced myself that It wouldn’t kill me to have some fun and go and meet a handsome guy for dinner. He told me that he knew of an awesome steak house in central London. I mean really, he had me at steak! I agreed to go and meet him, but not on that day. I explained that I wouldn’t be able to meet him for a while as I don’t live or work in central London, and as I do manage a tattoo studio, my life isn’t exactly dull and any free time I do get, I still have work to do. So it was all about finding a day where I could just leave everything and head on down to good old LDN for the day/night. He informed me that sooner rather than later was preferred as he was “very impatient”. With that in mind, I suggested a day to meet as a possibility, but couldn’t say for sure as I might not be able to make it.

Upon telling him, the day after, that I wouldn’t be able to do Halloween, I wanted to tell him that the week after would have been perfect and that I had some time off coming up, which I’d already booked off for something else that had fallen through. I chose not to tell him this when he then informed me that he didn’t want to speak to me until I was meeting him. I questioned him and asked if that meant I couldn’t send him any messages anymore. He told me that I could do what I wanted, but he knows that I won’t end up meeting him, because he’s seen it happen before.

Things that annoyed me about this:

  • We had been chatting for just a few days on Tinder. We hadn’t met and I knew hardly anything about him.
  • It was extremely presumptuous of him to think that I am anything like any of the other guys he has dated/have let him down in the past. In fact, that really annoyed me.
  • That I was supposed to feel guilty or indeed, put my life on hold, just to go to eat steak in London.
  • He didn’t give me a chance to tell him that I could do the week after.

So, with this in mind, I stopped talking to him. Why bother with pressure!? He has messaged me since asking when I’m free, but I’m just letting it go. There seems to be a common trait in dates these days, what with things like Tinder being so accessible, it can put people under the wrong impression that the people on there are just as accessible. Not the case.

Stand your ground. Don’t be pushed into any date that you 1- Can’t do INSTANTLY, or, 2- Feel as though you have to turn up to, in case he stops talking to you. There’s nothing wrong with waiting for a little bit.

Click here for the next instalment

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